Etti-Qs - How do I make sure kids are not invited?
One little wording question that I hear all the time is ‘how do I indicate children are not invited to my wedding?’
This is a little tricky for me to answer, because strictly speaking, it is not considered proper etiquette to state who is NOT invited on the invitation. Your guests should know who is invited from the outer envelope, where it may say, ‘Mr. and Mrs. John Smith’, and not ‘The Smith Family’, and then if you want to be extremely specific, I always recommend adding inner envelopes, which will list out each guest, (‘John Smith, and Jane Smith’), in this example.
Photo by Mikkel Paige, photo styling by Janet St. Clair
While that should make it clear to your guests who’s actually invited to your wedding, another great trick to use is to put a line on your reply card that says ___ of ___ seats have been reserved in your honor. You’ll fill in the second blank with the number of guests in that household who are invited, and then your guests will fill in the first blank with the number of people who are actually coming.
Sometimes, clients will worry that despite all that, people will still want to bring their kids. I get it. I had several uninvited guests come to my wedding, and it was really frustrating! Another trick I like to employ is to use your website as the bad guy - if you have information directing guests to your wedding website, you can definitely include a line somewhere in there about how children are not allowed at your venue, or you wish you could invite children but you aren’t, etc, etc.
If, despite all this, you’re still worried about people bringing their kids to your wedding, and really want to put that line on your invitation or reply card somewhere here’s my opinion:
Are there just a couple of people in particular that you’re worried about? I’d recommend speaking to them directly after the invitations go out, and reassuring them that you love little Jimmy, and wish he could be there but this will be an adults-only affair.
You’ll also get some super cute pics if kids are invited to your wedding! Photo from my own wedding, at the Merrimon-Wynne House, taken by Brett & Jessica.
Consider: would it really be that bad if someone slipped through the cracks and brought their kid? Children are often the most enthusiastic wedding guests, and on a day that’s about merging families, one or two kids being there won’t ruin your wedding. If anything, it will make it less fun for the parents, and you probably won’t even really notice. That being said, I know sometimes that it would actually be a problem if a kid shows up, whether it’s because the venue is not child-friendly, or maybe it’s a really poorly behaved child, or whatever. Which brings me to my final point:
This is your wedding, and while etiquette says that it’s inappropriate to state that children are not invited, etiquette is also designed to help everyone feel more comfortable and like they know what to expect and how to behave at an event. If it will put your mind at ease knowing that it’s explicitly spelled out, I think that’s what you should do. I like to give my clients all the information, but at the end of the day, I’m here to do what makes you happy, and if that will make you happy, it’s definitely not that big of a deal either way.
